So write a lot more posts than I actually publish on my blog. And a lot of them make me realize that there is a lot of stuff I don’t wana tell people. I used to think I was a pretty open guy. I always try to just lay it all out there for everyone to see. But looking at the stuff I don’t post… really has made me realize what I don’t want the world to know.

A lot of them have to do with “why don’t girls like me?!” kind of stuff. I whine about that a lot to my roommates – heck we all whine about it to each other – but it isn’t the kind of thing I want girls reading I guess. LOL I try not to be a whiner but the truth of it is I fail at that sometimes. Mostly these ones say things like “I am a good guy dangit, I’m funny and entertaining and somewhat spiritual, I try to be a better person than I am and I don’t get why girls don’t dig that.” See I don’t even like writing that much on that topic. I may not even publish this post.

Other posts I write and don’t post usually have to do with things going on in my life, or the lives of others, that I, or they, do not want the rest of the world to know about yet. These are hard. These are usually things that have an effect on me and that’s what makes me want to write about them, but sometimes I just can’t. Example: A few weeks ago my grandpa had a heart attack. He’s had heart problems before and this time was pretty bad. My mom flew out to California to be with him while he recovered and went through different procedures and stuff, so she was pretty stressed and worried.

During this time I got in the car accident that I talk about in one of my previous posts. The very first thing I thought when I got home that night was “mom really doesn’t need the extra worry in her life so don’t tell her” I even told people who knew about it and they were understanding and cool about keeping it from my family – cuz once anyone in my family found out she was sure to know within hours. But it was hard cuz I really wanted to blog about it. That accident, tho small, made me think about A LOT of stuff. Only one aspect of it is really mentioned in my post that I published, but there were a lot of thought processes that were triggered by that night and the subsequent ramifications. BUT I couldn’t talk about it till grandpa was doing better and had gone home from the hospital.

Some of my other posts are more self loathing than anything else. I have ramblings on pride ad ramblings on my epic failures. I guess I don’t like for people to see me doubt myself. Does that make me cocky or something? I dunno. I know I’m not perfect but rambling on for paragraphs about how much I suck just…I dunno. I imagine that people wouldn’t want to read that. That’s what FML is for.

Maybe some day I’ll decide to post all of them, and maybe not. I guess only time will tell. Though I did think of some pretty good idea for other posts in the process. So, stay tuned.