I went home for Christmas break where I played this game that my dad got for Christmas. it’s called Blokus. In Blokus you get different shaped pieces. they are all flat and each if made up of 1 to 5 small squares. the goal of the game is to place all of your pieces on the board before the other players. the thing is that each of your pieces has to touch the corner of another of your pieces when you lay it down.  the problem arises when the other players mess everything up by putting their pieces down. I would come up with the coolest plans, line everything up perfectly in my head with all the pieces in just the right place. then someone else would put their piece in my spot, or put a piece down that would block off an entire section where i had wanted to expand into. stupid other players. don’t they realize that they are supposed to stay out of my way and allow me conquer them? dont they realize that my plans are more important than whatever crap they have dreamed up? yeah apparently they didn’t get that memo…ugh…

It can really suck having to make decisions. Even worse, sometimes you stress and struggle and lose sleep over a decision until you finally make one…and then in order for that decision to pan out it relies on someone else’s decision or participation…and if they make the wrong decision or don’t cooperate then you are just plain effed because the other option or options are no longer available and so it pretty much sucks to be you…or in this case me.

obviously the problems and decision i refer to have nothing to do with Blokus…but the frustration i feel of late and the ruined state of my hopes and dreams…well they feel a lot like when I lost at Blokus…just…bigger…harsher…

I mean every guy wishes he could just pick a girl and she would automatically be into him as well. they would agree on everything and compliment each others’ personalities perfectly. Then they live happily ever after right? No not right.

every person wishes they could do what they love every day. and get paid for it. they all want that dream job that is both enjoyable and challenging. Not only do they want that dream job, they want to know way in advance exactly what type of job it is that would match their personality. because no one wants to waste years or decades in a certain field only to find out down the road that is completely the wrong place for them.

Maybe in the end what it comes down to is that we wont all know exactly where we should be…and even those of us who know where we want to be…maybe going there just isnt realistic. lets face it, most of us will end up stuck in a job doing something we dont really love. we will stay there because it is what we are used to and it pays the bills…in a sense we find that comfortable. On top of that we will have families to provide for and caring for them and making them happy in the long run is more important than getting to do what we love every day…or at least that is what i keep telling myself.

ugh, i hate making decisions.

Soooo I haven’t posted on here in like…a frikkin long time. At some points it was because I seriously had nothing going on and nothing to talk about. Then very suddenly life got insanely busy and I just didnt have the time or the energy to blog. But now, amidst a 3 day Lost marathon and in a city that is all but empty of its usual college-aged inhabitants, I find myself with some time.

Sooo what have I been up to? Well November got pretty crazy after my last post thanks to my application to my major which was due and I have this stupid perfectionist and procrastinatory way of doing things that I think are important. Yes procrastinatory is a word. I know this because I was the one who made it up. Just now. Anyway we will discuss the freaking application crap later.

After that Life got kinda boring. I kept going to classes and hanging out with this really awesome girl named Sarah. I stopped working my glorious job, serving tables at Dennny’s, so that I could focus on school more…yeah I really just ended up focusing on my social life and playing a lot of Wii witgh my roommates. Yeah it was insanely productive time. There were a few things due the week before thanksgiving but mostly everyone else had a pretty crazy week so I had no one to hang with and nothing to do. That meant nothing to blog about either…sad I know.

Right before leaving for thanksgiving break things got really good with Sarah…and they still are really good…so that’s good . Sadly enough I think that means that any rants about stupid girls that I would normally produce on a frequent basis…well you don’t have to worry about those for a while. Thanksgiving break was pretty fun. Driving home to Colorado and back meant that the actual break part of break was shorter, but still nice. We had a great turkey dinner and played some football. I went and banged up my shoulder during the game by ramming another guy. It’s still killing me. Stupid football. This is why I have never been an athletic guy.

I was gonna get a car while home too, since mine was worse off after the accident than I’d realized, but then the clouds opened up and God said “I hate you Steven” (that is a quote from THe Little Rascals, in case you didn’t know that…well not the Steven part…in the movie it is Alfalfa). Anyway longish story shortish, my dad bought two cars pretty cheap. One was ugly and ran real good, the other was pretty and ran almost as good. So my dad registered the pretty one before I got into town for thanksgiving. Then while I was in town driving the car around it died on me. But because the DMV and junk were closed for the holiday there was no way to register the other car before I headed back to Utah for school. And tho we tried our darndest, we couldnt fix the prettier car. So I had to ride back to school with the friends I’d ridden out with. And have remained car-less since then. Sad story, I know.

When I got home from thanksgiving there were only 2 weeks of classes left before the end of the semester. That meant Group projects and other projects and papers and all kinds of crap being due. Add in all the time I was spending with Sarah and…yeah no time to blog. One of the Group projects we worked on those 2 weeks was a “photo essay” for my film class. We titled it A Flu to Remember. Check it out. It came out pretty good. When we finally presented it in class for our final it pretty much blew everyone  away.

And so finals week began…and you know that whole procrastinatory perfectionist thing I mentioned? yeah that happened. I ended up getting them all done, but didn’t do particularly great on any of them except that one film class. I guess I can live with that. I will just have to step it up next semester. Once finals were over I got to spend almost a whole day with Sarah before she took off for home and then…well then I had nothing – correction have nothing to do. My roommate Ty and I began a Lost marathon on Saturday and have been going strong ever since. So far we have watched 35 episodes of the show. The whole first season and about half of the second. It’s been pretty much awesome. For any Lost fans out there you should try it. There is a lot of stuff from the beginning of the series that ties into stuff in the 5th season. It’s crazy how well they did tying everything together.

I have barely left the apartment. We left to go get Beto’s (delicious trashy Mexican food) on Saturday and went to church on Sunday, but today…well Ty left for a bit today and I…I took the trash out. LOL. While taking out the trash I did find a pretty sweet Lazy Boy recliner which we of course retrieved and now resides here in our living room. It is pretty much awesome. It has a built in phone…isn’t that like the coolest thing ever? okay maybe not ever but how about the coolest thing you have heard in the last few hours? Yeah I thought so too.

Tomorrow however the relaxation ends… or at least changes. My family and I are going out to California to see my grandpa and other extended family. Grandpa still isn’t doing his greatest, but he is recovering and doing better than before. Either way I haven’t seen him in almost 4 years and it’s a good time to go out there. So tomorrow my family is driving out from Denver, stopping here, and then we will all continue to the bay area. I said that the relaxation might simply change because first I will be sitting in a car for like 11 hours on my way out there and once we get there I really have no idea what we will do…maybe just sit around and have our own marathon, I really don’t know. I’ll let u know later.

The great news there is that my dad has managed to get my car working and will be bringing it out here tomorrow when they pick me up. Can you say YAY? that’s okay I can say it enough for all of us. See some of you may know how much it sucks not having a car. Dating for example…dating sucks…okay doesn’t suck…but is complicated a great deal by not having a car. I have been car-less for the entire time Sarah and I have been dating. She has never even been in my car. Because it sucks, and does not run. At first we did group dates where other people drove and then we did a lot of going to each others’ apartments and watch TV or movies. Luckily she has a car so when we wanted to actually go out and do things she could drive. As I may have already stated Sarah is all kinds of awesome and chill, so she doesn’t mind driving. But like trying to open her door for her when she has to unlock it first, and having her drive me around…kinda sucks the chivalry out of it all. BUT NOW or at least starting tomorrow I will have my very own vehicle once again can I get another YAY? why thank you.

And so that has been my life over the last 6 weeks or so. The semester is done, I found a great girl, and now it is off to Cali for Christmas. I will probably blog again soon, but in case I don’t get one in before Christmas then Merry Christmas!

So write a lot more posts than I actually publish on my blog. And a lot of them make me realize that there is a lot of stuff I don’t wana tell people. I used to think I was a pretty open guy. I always try to just lay it all out there for everyone to see. But looking at the stuff I don’t post… really has made me realize what I don’t want the world to know.

A lot of them have to do with “why don’t girls like me?!” kind of stuff. I whine about that a lot to my roommates – heck we all whine about it to each other – but it isn’t the kind of thing I want girls reading I guess. LOL I try not to be a whiner but the truth of it is I fail at that sometimes. Mostly these ones say things like “I am a good guy dangit, I’m funny and entertaining and somewhat spiritual, I try to be a better person than I am and I don’t get why girls don’t dig that.” See I don’t even like writing that much on that topic. I may not even publish this post.

Other posts I write and don’t post usually have to do with things going on in my life, or the lives of others, that I, or they, do not want the rest of the world to know about yet. These are hard. These are usually things that have an effect on me and that’s what makes me want to write about them, but sometimes I just can’t. Example: A few weeks ago my grandpa had a heart attack. He’s had heart problems before and this time was pretty bad. My mom flew out to California to be with him while he recovered and went through different procedures and stuff, so she was pretty stressed and worried.

During this time I got in the car accident that I talk about in one of my previous posts. The very first thing I thought when I got home that night was “mom really doesn’t need the extra worry in her life so don’t tell her” I even told people who knew about it and they were understanding and cool about keeping it from my family – cuz once anyone in my family found out she was sure to know within hours. But it was hard cuz I really wanted to blog about it. That accident, tho small, made me think about A LOT of stuff. Only one aspect of it is really mentioned in my post that I published, but there were a lot of thought processes that were triggered by that night and the subsequent ramifications. BUT I couldn’t talk about it till grandpa was doing better and had gone home from the hospital.

Some of my other posts are more self loathing than anything else. I have ramblings on pride ad ramblings on my epic failures. I guess I don’t like for people to see me doubt myself. Does that make me cocky or something? I dunno. I know I’m not perfect but rambling on for paragraphs about how much I suck just…I dunno. I imagine that people wouldn’t want to read that. That’s what FML is for.

Maybe some day I’ll decide to post all of them, and maybe not. I guess only time will tell. Though I did think of some pretty good idea for other posts in the process. So, stay tuned.

We do not live in a perfect world. u probably already knew this. but how should the world be? let me tell you.first of all, in a perfect world a short, slightly pudgy and balding guy like myself would be considered the epitome of handsome. None of this chiseled abs and tan crap.

In a perfect world no one would drink or smoke cuz that stuff is gross. There would be no drug trade and the people who traffic that shiz would have nothing better to do with their lives than get real jobs and contribute to society.

In a perfect world people would have enough respect for themselves and others to wait until they are married to do the dirty. Then the fruits of those relationships (AKA children) would be allowed to grow up in complete families with both parents and be allowed to contribute to society.

In a perfect world everyone would be kind to each other. The hospital where I had my appendix removed last year would just leave me alone and quit nagging me about paying them money. The guy whose car i rear ended would simply decide that he likes his car the way it is so that i, a poor college student, can continue to eat. All of my professors and TAs would decide that in order to be kind they will just give me and everyone else A’s for the semester.

In a perfect world everyone would love me. My sometimes misunderstood humor would be understood and never be found offensive by anyone…ever. Anything I say/do would be found to be inspirational and/or hilarious. Any girl that I ever gave attention to would automatically like me back and realize immediately that whatever guy she might be with is a big hoser and then decide to ditch him as to be with me.In a perfect world I would be articulate and never say stupid things that get me into trouble. I would be able to whip out shnazzy ideas in the blink of an eye and be as graceful as one of those ice dancer people in the Olympics. I would be good at all sports, and have the hand eye coordination and speedy fast reflexes of Neo from the matrix.

But alas, a perfect world we do not live in. I say dumb things and do stupid things. I make mistakes and even crash cars, giving sweet innocent girls black eyes. Nor is my flabby belly the epitome of hotness. For these short comings I apologize.

All girls do not like me, though I do not pretend to understand why, and people keep coming after me for money. Horny folks continue to do their thing before marriage and their poor offspring have to suffer the consequences. And what is there to do about it?

Just try I guess. When no one else gives a crap and no one else is working to improve the world I guess we have to…I guess I have to….Darn it all, I hate that kind of responsibility.

When I was younger I used to babysit these kids. One of them loved to play what I call the why game. It drove me insane. In the why game what happens is the kid asks a question and the adult answers. The kid then takes that answer and turns it into a why question. for example:

Q: what’s your favorite color?
A: Blue
Q: why is that your favorite color?
A: Because the sky is blue.
Q: why is the sky blue?

You can see that it can get more complicated from there. Eventually I usually just had to tell the kid to shut up and go to bed.

But I have been thinking a lot about the Why Game lately. I’ve even started playing it with myself. I like to think it is a modified more mature version…but I’m probably wrong. It always seems to lead to pretty deep self-examination kind of stuff. Something I don’t think I do a ton of on here. I have found that I mostly criticize people and society…but not myself…So anyway I thought it would make for an interesting blog post.

Q: Why do I procrastinate school work?
A: Cuz there are a million things I’d rather do.
Q: Why are those things better?
A: Cuz those things involved girls, and fun, and food.
Q: What’s better about those things than school?
A: Everything.
Q: Why?
A: Cuz school is boring and I have lame classes that I’m not interested in and I hate busy work.
Q: Why aren’t I interested in my classes?
A: Cuz there are all these dumb things I have to take before I can take the classes about stuff that I like. And even the classes that are about stuff I do like, they still fill with lame busy work that is lame.
Q: What’s busy work exactly?
A: Anything that’s not necessary. Stupid little worksheets about stuff we learned in high school. Dumb iclicker quizzes to pad the grades of people who don’t know how to prepare for a tests and inhibit those of us that do.  Group assignments where I wana rip my hair out cuz the rest of the group are morons and I get stuck with most of the work.
Q: Why do I get stuck with most of the work?
A:Cuz I volunteer for stuff too easily. When a task gets tossed out there and no one jumps at it I always have to take the bullet and do it. And then when someone falls through I pick up their slack so I don’t feel guilty for pushing it off on other people.
Q: Why would that make me feel guilty?
A: I dunno…cuz I like complicating my own life.
Q: Why do I like complicating my own life?
A: Well I don’t LIKE complicating my life but at least I’m not all idle and stuff when I have a lot going on.
Q: So I want to have a lot going on?
A: I guess in a way yeah. I’d rather be busy than sit around all day.
Q: Why?
A: Cuz when I sit around all day I get into trouble
Q: what kind of trouble?
A: Well a lot of stuff, I eat a ton…I watch…things on TV that are in no way uplifting…I text people a lot and we talk about nothing and it get’s confusing.
Q: Why’s it get confusing?
A: Cuz it’s hard to know what people mean in text messages. You can’t hear the inflections in their voice or see their body language or be sure when they are being sarcastic. Cuz lets face it most of what’s said in a conversation is not said in words.
Q: Why don’t I just call people then?
A: Cuz people might be in class. or in the middle of something important. Also I have serious issues understanding people on the phone. Heck I have serious issues understanding people in person sometimes.

And thats enough of that….you get the idea. It could go on forever. Maybe next time I’ll do something a bit deeper. like Q: Why do I trivialize anything deep? Why can’t I openly spill my guts to ANYONE? Like the people who read my blog?….yeah that’d be good. Next time!

I served as a missionary in Recife Brazil for 2 years. I was more or less 8 degrees form the equator the whole time. It was HOT. But I did not serve there by accident. I like to think that I had some influence on the Lord’s decision to send me there, because I prayed really really really hard when i sent in my mission papers (application type thing) that I wouldn’t go anywhere cold. And it worked. Prayer works.

However years later when I had moved home I prayed and asked him another question. I asked him if I should move to Provo and go to BYU. He said I should. At the time I didn’t really think about the weather because it was summer/spring time and  warm. However now that it is snowing outside, I remember that I really hate cold weather and that winters here are dang cold. This is no bueno.

I’m from Colorado so I am no stranger to cols weather. That does not mean that I enjoy it however. Somehow everything hurts more when it’s cold. Somehow everything from getting out of bed to showering takes longer when it’s cold. But most of all I get all goosebumpy and shivery and I hate that. I hate the cold wind blowing in my face until I can no longer feel my nose. I like being able to feel the different parts of my body and know that they are still functioning. I do not like wondering just how long I have left until my fingers and/or toes fall off.

Now cold weather does have its merits. There are snowball fights, snowboarding, sledding, snow angels, snowmen,  ice skating with pretty girls, and that awesome feeling of walking out of the cold and into a heated building…but that’s about it. Everything else about it sucks. So now that winter is upon me…I’m looking for reasons to like it…because maybe if I can find enough reasons to like it then I will hate it just a tiny bit less and hate myself a tiny bit less for choosing to live in such a cold place. Until I can find a certain amount of things to like about it…Well I’m just gonna have to rely on the fact that the big guy upstairs told me that this is wheere I should be.

Every once in a while I have a day or a week where people just freaking suck. People who I thought I could rely on bail, and random strangers who I don’t even know do the rudest, stupidest things. This has been one of those weeks.

I don’t think I need to give any specific examples because you all know what it’s like to have people pull that kind of stuff, but what the heck is there to do about it? Do you tell them to their faces that they are jerks and need to be nicer? do you try to explain to them logically why treating other people like they don’t matter will only come back to bite them in the butt later? or do you just ignore it, walk away, and pray really hard that they get hit by a semi.

I have a hard time with this. It really depends on the person, but I have a really hard time telling most people that they are being jerks or even just acting like jerks. I mean how do you tell the nice sweet girl down the street that she treats people like they are just there to serve her? or tell the bus driver that it’s not his passengers’ fault that he hates his job? I mean do you even try to tell them at all? Do they already know?

See I have this idea, in my brain, that most people are generally nice people who will do the right thing if you give them the chance. But I think I might be wrong about that. Is it really too much to assume that people will actually do what they say they are going to do? When they say they are going to be somewhere at a certain time is it too much to expect them to be there? and when they aren’t there or don’t do what they promised, then what? Is it because they really just hate other people and think they are better than everyone else? do they enjoy messing stuff up for other people? I don think so….is it really because they are jerks and just don’t know it? is it because the people they made those promises to just don’t matter to them? or are they just self absorbed and oblivious to it all?

I’m not even sure which of those would be the worst. At least the strait forward jerks are straight forward about it but at the same time the oblivious ones don’t realize what they do. Does the motivation even matter? Is the result the only thing that matters? I mean I guess this applies to more than just my crappy week. Intentions vs. outcome is one of those issues that comes out every time that the outcome is less than desirable, like Iraq, 9/11, the housing crash…Steven’s love life. LOL.

But like seriously I wish we’d all consider the possible outcomes a bit more carefully before we make decisions. We all have influence on everything around us. People’s feelings, people’s livelihoods, even people’s lives sometimes. I know that sometimes none of the choices will give the optimal outcome but seriously just think a bit before you do stuff. Yes we have to each do what is right for ourselves and our families but even before that we need to think about what god would have us do and also take into consideration other people and circumstances around us.

I kind of suck at it too, I know, and I want to be better at it, but holy cow some people really just need a smack upside the head and staggering trials to teach them humility. They just need to be glad that I am not the one with the power to dish out trials…

So going to BYU and living in Provo (and watching general conference) there is a lot of pressure to date and get married and all that. And when I say a lot of pressure, I mean you hear about it pretty much daily from church leaders and teachers etc. The problem is that I have never been a huge fan of dating here. The little games drive me nuts and on top of that you have to wonder what she thinks, and then try to figure what she thinks you think, and then also what she thinks that you think she thinks about a given situation/comment/action. It’s maddening. Why can’t we all just say what’s on our minds? Not to mention that all the cool girls get way more attention from guys than is healthy.

They slip into this mode (probably not even on purpose) where they just kind of get used to guys fawning over them and taking them places and stuff and their egos kind of get out of control. On top of that, because everyone here has marriage on the brain constantly that’s how they critique dates. Both guys and girls seem to be analyzing their date from the moment they meet them to determine their potential as a possible eternal companion. I guess this can be good but it drives me nuts. People scrutinize everything from what the person wears and says, to the way they hold their freaking fork. It is nearly impossible to find a cool, attractive girl who you can just hang out with and get to know, without having to worry about all the scrutiny.

Because to be honest I’m not that worried about  marriage right now. I want to get married someday but I’m not in a rush. I am all for meeting a great girl, falling in love, being all mushy and stuff and then deciding to get married. But in that order.
1. meet girl
2. fall in love and be all mushy, then
3. decide to get married.

Not this order,
1. think and agonize constantly about getting married
2. meet girl
3. try to be all mushy so she falls in love with me,  then
4. convince her to marry me.

I feel like thats what a lot of people try to do – and it doesn’t work. That’s why they are still single and still wrecking havoc on the dating world.

So, I look at dating a lot different than I think most people do, here in Provo at least. Of course I’m gonna make every attempt to be my best around girls, but I try to be myself still, and not some other guy. Even if that other guy, that I could pretend to be, might be more smooth, fun, or articulate than I. I try to be honest and straightforward about whats going on, and not play any of the games.

Having said all of that…I know a few really cool girls. One in particular. She knows who she is…and so do some of you. She is just plain cool and we can hang out and goof off and talk, without scrutiny. Well maybe there is scrutiny on her end – but if so, she hides it well. And so now that I have found a cool girl who…yeah I’m interested in…how do I go about wooing said girl? I break her face with my car…yes really.

We’ve hung out some and have been on a double date but a few days ago we went on our first single date, just the two of us. We went bowling. It was a lot of fun. Leaving the bowling alley on campus we decided to go get something to eat right? So we were driving there when it happened.

Longish story shortish: Brakes were slammed. Wet pavement prevented actual stopping of the car. Cars collided. Air bags deployed. Even hitting the other car wouldn’t have been so bad – cuz I was only going 15-20 MPH - but when the airbags smack you in the face at like 35 mph…it hurts. It also breaks the windshield. Which means broken bits of glass.

So…where to go from there? LOL who even knows? She definitely got the worst of it. I didn’t have a mark on me, but she got a black eye and a wicked headache. When she went to the student health center the next day they pulled some small pieces of glass out of her eye. They said everything will heal fine…but for now…she has a pretty black eye. Thanks to yours truly.  I took her over to some steps and sat her down there while I went and talked to the other driver, who was also fine. He was quite cool about it all and we exchanged information and all of that. Her roommate came and picked her up while I drove my car, nice and slow-like, back to our apartment complex.

I tried my best to make sure she was okay and did what I could for the rest of the night to make her feel better, but really how do you make that up to a girl? After we all got back to her apartment I got my roommate to take me to get her some food and even got dessert. I tried to lighten the mood telling the lame jokes that I tell. I even brought her a half gallon of her favorite flavor of ice cream the next day. Hopefully it’s helped to make her feel better…but I still feel like a complete and total idiot.

The hardest part is that she has been so cool about it. I mean let’s face it. It was my fault. She put her trust in me to take her out and get her home safely, which I failed to do. Failed miserably. It could have been worse I know, but it could have been a lot better too. She kept telling me not to worry about it – like that’s gonna happen. I almost wish she would just yell at me because I can’t think of a way to punish myself sufficiently. I guess in reality there is nothing that I can do to make her eye better or whatever, and feeling guilty won’t help anything, but…I still feel guilty as heck and like I need to do something. Maybe once I have paid for a new windshield and the repairs to the other guys car (not too bad and hopefully not too expensive) my monetary suffering will have been sufficient. If not, then being broke and eating ramen noodles for the rest of semester until my new loan installment comes through…that could do it too.

If I may say so (which I may cuz there is no one to stop me) she is still as beautiful as ever, even with a black eye. And the fact that she has been so cool about it all makes her pretty much a saint. I probably won’t be allowed to forget this for a long long time, by her, her roommates, or by my family and friends. I can however hope for one more chance (maybe more?) to take her out and prove that we can have an exciting time without damaging my precious cargo.

Ironically enough I just got a call from the guy I hit and it’s gonna cost a lot more than I thought…So I think my penance is about to be paid…in cold hard cash…which I don’t have…

On my last trip to Disney World I bought a button which has a picture of scar, from The Lion King, on it. When you push on the button Scar says “I’m surrounded by idiots.” I love this button, because let’s face it; we all are surrounded by idiots. I mostly keep it locked away in my trunk (yes I have a trunk-just like Harry Potter) because I think some people might take offense at being called idiots, but I think about it often. Many times throughout the day I can hear a little Scar voice in my ear saying “I’m surrounded by idiots”

I have a lot of comedians in my life. They are funny. Not funny like “real” comedians, but funny nonetheless. This is both good and bad. Good because it allows us to tell each other things that need to be said, hard things, in a somewhat less critical manner; bad, because sometimes sensitive things are treated a bit too lightly.

My friends and I are very sarcastic-my family too actually. In fact in my family we show our love for each other almost exclusively through sarcasm. This works for my family and friends, cuz we get it, but not always with other people. Sometimes a “loving” remark can be misunderstood as hostility.

My best friend and I frequently tell each other that the other is fat, and not jokingly, but it’s also not offensive. It’s our way of saying “hey man you need to watch it or you’re going to die of a massive coronary someday” just in fewer words. It is an act of love – without getting all girly and mushy we are able to say ‘hey I want you to be healthy and don’t want to see bad things happen to you.’ The same goes for when my friends tell me I drive like a madman. It’s kind of true, I am an aggressive and somewhat impatient driver at times…okay most of the time – and I take their remarks and criticism to mean that they want me to be more careful.

Other people however, who have not been introduced to our way of communicating…well they don’t take “you’re fat” and “you drive like a moron” so lightly. I understand why, but I wish they understood my actual meaning when I say things like that. I’d like to think that I am not handicapped by this inability to communicate like a normal person – but I probably am.

Likewise when I find myself in a sentimental mood or at stressful moments I too can find offense in the funny (and often hilarious) comments made by my friends and family.

I began to think about all of this the other night when a friend of mine pointed out that I laugh a lot. Like a lot a lot – at everything. In large part I laugh a lot because I have learned in life to see most any negative situation, comment, or experience in a humorous light. I also laugh a lot because there is a lot of messed up stuff in the world, and a lot of messed up people, but if you really think about it – it’s all quite hilarious too. Especially when we consider how almost any awkward, negative, or even tragic situation can be (and probably was) brought about by someone just being stupid.

Thanks to modern popular media, we spend most of our laughter on stupid people these days. Zoolander and mean girls are not hilarious because the characters are intelligent people who make good decisions. The writers who wrote them are obviously geniuses but in real life we are also surrounded by idiots. Not all of them are actually idiots, but let’s face it, we all have idiotic moments. The other day, walking down the street in Salt Lake City, I almost ran into a tree because I wasn’t watching where I was going. That was funny. It would have been even funnier had I actually run into it; That, to me, is why there is so much to laugh at in the world.

Sometimes that stupidity can bring about serious consequences that put real people in real danger. Imagining the circumstances that brought that about can still be funny though. A friend of mine cannot help but laugh (and quite loudly) whenever anything funny/embarrassing happens, and I love her for it. It’s hilarious; both the person messing up and her lack of ability to control her laughter.

Often, people are willing to overlook the not-so-smooth moves made by others in order to spare them embarrassment or whatever, but come on – we all do it. None of us is as smooth, tactful, or cool as we would like to think we are. Half the chuckles and guffaws that escape my lips I make in reference to myself. Just the other day I accidentally sent a couple texts to exactly the wrong person – It was extremely stupid – but also extremely hilarious.

My roommate and I laughed for a good long while. And it was fun. Many other laughs followed as I attempted to repair the situation and as I was teased about it by the girls who got the text.

So, what’s the point of this all? I think we all need to laugh more. Again I find myself the perfect example of what the rest of the world should be (don’t be too jealous- it is a heavy burden to bear). If only Disney still made the Scar buttons for everyone to carry around and push every time someone tripped, dropped something, said something stupid, or even caused a minor catastrophe, I think the world would be a better, happier place.

So today I’m walking down the hall. V e r y s l o w l y. I knew I was gonna be late for my next class, but I assumed that there must be a good reason for the congestion. However, upon arriving at the front what do I find? 3 people standing in the middle of the hallway chatting away happily about who-knows-what, and the rest of the crowd squeezing their way past them on one side.

Can you say moronic? Not just the people standing in the way (who are obviously the biggest idiots in this situation) but also the people who squeeze silently past them. Not one of the goody goody little mormon kids walking by has the guts to tell them move the heck out of the way. So what do I do when I get to the front? I say “hey guys. See that huge mass of people trying to get through? Yeah that’s cuz you’re standing in the way – how about you go chit chat ANYWHERE else.” I got some dirty looks, but they moved.

Sometimes I am one of those people. The kind that doesn’t say anything. That just walks past with their head down. It annoys the crap out of me. Sometimes I am very anti-confrontational. I don’t want any trouble. But other times…not so much.

I really don’t mind people giving me crap or making my life more complicated. I can deal with it. But what annoys me beyond belief is when I see other people, especially people I care about, being inconvenienced or treated poorly by others. Like who the eff do these people think they are? They really think they are that much more important than everyone else? or anyone else for that matter? Sometimes I am sure it’s more that they are just kind of stupid and oblivious, but that still suggests a certain level of self-absorption. It’s not always as simple as people just standing in the way and I’m sure we all do it to some extent but seriously ppl get the eff over yourselves.

Sometimes I feel like a big loser for always worrying about what other people think/need, but at this moment I really don’t feel so loser-ish about it. I am happy to say that I worry about other people a lot. Sometimes I speed Just because I feel like I’m holding up the guy behind me (note the sometimes – I usually speed just cuz I like to go fast) and at least once or twice a week I’ll turn right when I don’t really want to because I am in the right lane at a red light and I can see that all the cars behind me want to turn right and are waiting for me to get the heck out of the way.

When I go to my friends’ houses I bring my iPod and the TV cable to it in case they want to watch movies off of it. Yes I also do this to avoid having to go back and get it from my place later on – but only because I would do exactly that. I try to hold doors for other people and I try to help when I go to gatherings thrown by others. I help stack chairs and take out trash – I have even been known to cut up and divvy out wedding cake at random receptions, because the people who volunteer for that stuff ahead of time would actually rather watch the couple dance and such. I even explain that I’m being sarcastic whenever I’m sarcastic because I’m worried that I might have hurt someone’s feelings.

I guess I really just wish that everyone could be more like me, because I am the epitome of kindness, chivalry and all things good and cool.

No but really; Today of all days, considering all the self-righteous and self-absorbed punks out there, I am proud to be a people pleaser. I like seeing smiles on other people’s faces and knowing that I put them there. Is there anything wrong with that? I’m sure there are volumes to write about what it means in relation to my lack of self esteem-but we’ll leave that for another day, no?